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My husband and I have been married for 20 years. We live in New York. He left the house. We have 2 children together. I make more money than him. Do I have to pay him alimony? Does he get half of my pension? Do I have to be legally separated for him to only get 1/2 pension for the time we were married? Thanks!

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First – My husband and I have been married (in NY)almost 21 yrs- both NY residents , and I have for the most part been a stay at home mom during our marriage (we have a 19 yr old college student living at home which her college funds are paid for out of our account. – Husband is a Lt. in the FDNY -(he is 54 yrs old ) and WE own our home-mortgage free -worth approx $250,000-$300,000. He earns anywhere from $78,000-$95,000 a yr. -Over the years – my husband has been mentally abusive to me more each year- but I have been too scared to voice it to anyone as it is he who is the one that “puts the bread and butter on the table”. The mental abuse has mounted to the point- that I am at wits end . A few years ago- i had 3 heart attacks in one yr -leading to a triple bypass – finality of it all- I am disabled – with oxygen, and have cardiac heart failure , COPD(emphysema) and Hypertension-which he is the major contributing factor. -He has always handled all the finances , and i have no idea of what stocks, bonds etc are being deducted out of his paycheck, and I have no income and qualify for absolutely nothing – ie: Disabiltiy. I am unable to work as well. -Even though this has been going on for years- for the past year – I live/sleep in a separate room in our home. I have talked to him about getting a divorce – and he offered me pocket change if it is uncontested. I did some reading on my own – and gave no reply. -He said he talked to some friends at the firehouse – and they told him that I HAVE NO GROUNDS … -Since i have no income- i can’t afford an attorney … and don’t know what to do. I’m at the point that if i can’t get a divorce from his that will comfortably support me for the few years i have left — i hope the next heart will be my last so i don’t have to deal with him. Please guide me… By the way- many years back when i was in better health and went to various FDNY functions with him – i used to overhear all kinds of stories of tricks some of these guys use to hold onto as much as they can during a divorce….. Many thanks

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We have been married for eight years, and are going for a divorce, and live in Rochester NY. Am I entitled to alimony? Someone told me I would have to be married at least ten years.

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I was hoping you could help me out with a serious problem I’m having. I live in NY State and I am engaged to a man that has been separated from his ex for about 5 years. When he decided it was time to start divorce proceedings, he hired a lawyer. His lawyer went to the court house to get a copy of the separation agreement only to find out that it had never actually been filed with the court although both my fiance and his ex had lawyers at the time. So, our lawyer decided he would base the divorce on abandonment, which was fine for both parties. So, here’s the kicker..myfiance (Jim) and his ex have 2 children together. Jim pays $126.32/wk in child support out of a $300/wk income as so ordered by the family court judge, so obviously money is tight in our home. Anyway, when Jim’s lawyer contacted his ex about the divorce, she wrote him an e-mail stating that she would only sign the papers if he agreed to the following terms.. 1) He must take out at least a $100,000 per kid life insurance policy on himself making his kids sole beneficiaries. 2) He must pay for half of the medical care, dental care, etc. until they are 21 or have completed college. 3) He must pay for half of all the kids extracurricular activities. Including books, sports equipment, tennis lessons, piano lessons, swimming lessons, summer camp, dance lessons, etc. 4) He must pay for half of the kids’ college tuition and any bills they may incur for college. Right now the kids are covered by CDPHP for their doctors bills and such and will obviously be covered by Jim’s employment’s insurance should he have that available in the future. Jim pays for the kids to play little league and soccer and the things kids do around here. We live in a small town in upstate NY and make modest incomes, but Jim’s ex is living a dream. She complains about money problems, but puts the kids in piano and karate lessons, which they don’t even like, just to keep up with the Jones’. We could only imagine, if Jim is forced to pay half of these things, she would be enrolling the kids in everything she could find. As far as paying the college goes.. there is no doubt that Jim will help his kids in any way he can to put them through college if he has the resources to do it, but it sounds unreasonable to ask him to pay half the expenses. With all the legal aid and such out there, he doesn’t feel he should be written into something like that. And there is no way that on Jim’s salary he can afford 2 life insurance policies. Jim is an only child who takes care of his wheelchair-bound father for $300 a week and $126.32 comes out of that every week. He just can’t afford any of this. So, it seems that neither Jim nor is ex is willing to budge on this matter. She is a very spiteful woman and there is no way she will change her mind about this. We are about ready to cut our loses and see if we can get back any of our money from the lawyer. But what I really want to know is how long this can go on for. Can she just hold out on these demands and never sign the divorce papers? Will Jim have to give in and let her have what she wants just to get this divorce finalized? Is there ever going to be a point where a judge says “enough is enough” and grants my fiance a reasonable divorce? I’m sorry this letter turned out to be so long, but I just don’t know where else to turn. Jim’s lawyer doesn’t specialize in divorce and he isn’t much help on this matter. I would really appreciate it if you could please give me some advise. Thank you so much.

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My husband had an affair in 2005 a month after my dad passed away. He lived with me, but continued to be with this girl he works with, until Sept 4, 2005 and then left me and moved in with “the girlfriend”. We are not legally separated and he only pays me 502.00 every paycheck (per his lawyer) for child support. He has not paid anything for the mortgage or a loan that is in both of our names. I am falling farther and farther behind in these payments. Is he responsible to pay for them since he abandoned me and our 2 sons? If so, how do I go about it? I feel my lawyer is not working for me and am in pursuit of another. My husband is a big control freak and for doing what he did, I feel everything is going his way. HELP!

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My friend was married in Florida in 2003. She left her husband (cruel & inhuman treatment; verbal & mental abuse) and came back to NYC in 2005, he still resides in Florida. She now wants to file for divorce, can she do so from NYC?? And will there be a problem since she technically abandoned him? Is he entitled to alimony? Is she entitled to alimony?She does not work and receives a government check for disability. We would appreciate any help….thanks!!

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I live in upstate New York. We have been married 8 yrs, we have a prenuptial I think is invalid. I had no attorney and was presented the papers 10 days before our marriage and never even saw any attorney. There has been documented domestic violence. My husband bought the land with an old house on it before we married. We knocked down the old house after we were married and built a new house which we have not mortgage for. I have paid all the househould maintenance bills and contributed to the raw material of the new house. I have recently been put out of work on social securtihy disability to never go back to work, he made 138,000 last years, but says I am entitled to nothing. We have no children together. Please advise.

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We both got married in new york and now he has moved to Florida. We have been married for 11years and separated for 8yrs (not legally) I would like to file for a divorce but the only thing he has suggested is uncontested divorce but at this time I know he is hiding a lot and does’nt want me to know anything,as he keeps on pressuring me to sign papers but dont want me to read anything which I have refused. He is a lawyer but at this time I dont know if he is practicing in Florida My question I would also like to file for alimony support,but how do I go about doing that as at this time I need some finincial help in order to support myself and be able to go back to school to help me better. I don’t have any money only bills and can barely keep my head afloat. Is this something I can do myself, but how does he get served since he lives in florida and how do I find out about what he is doing as the man is very secretive and has mentioned that he will not give me anything. Please Advise

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I live in Long Island and have been married for 20 years. My marriage hasn’t been easy through the whole marriage. I have two children who lives with us, one is underage and the other one is 19. I have questions in how to start this process. I can say that I’m nervous about it because I might be left with nothing. He has kicked me out of the house every time we argue but many of my friends tell me he can’t do that. He makes good money, the house is under his name, and he pays the mortgage. He has mentioned that the house is under the kids, including my step son. I am on Social Security Disability for about 5 months. Can he throw me out of the house? Will my younger child receive any money? He said I will not see a penny, meaning no alimony. I just want to leave this house and find an apartment for my kids and I but I don’t have the money for it. If he sells the house, will I get anything. I have no money saved because he has told me I have to pay the gas, light, car insurance and the phone bill which hardly leaves me with anything. What are my rights? How can I start in finding out in starting a divorce process. I am afraid because he has told me i will not receive a penny from him. Please tell me what can I do?

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I am disabled woman, my husband abandoned me over two years ago. He is living with another woman. He does not give me any financial support in two years. What are my legal rights?

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