Q&A

My question concerns spousal support and division of property. My husband and I have been married for 26 years, live in an affluent community in Westchester county NY, and we have 2 children in college. He has had over 20 affairs during this time (I stopped counting), and has been a self-employed attorney & adjunct business law college professor for 15 years, making approximately 20k annually. He brought student loans with him to the marriage. I brought a farm that I had inherited through the death of both of my parents. For the past 4 years, I am a 50% partner in a successful business, and am about to open a new corporation shortly, and have worked our entire marriage. 5 years ago I learned of $250k of credit card debt that he had accumulated in cards with my name on the account, had not paid income taxes (though he told me it had been done), and had many delinquent bills (he insisted that I just sign over my paychecks, and he would take care of the bills), and so I had to refinance our mortgage, increasing the loan to pay off the cc debt, and the mortgage had to be put in my name only, though he is still on the deed. At that time, I made him close all the cc accounts, and opened my own separate bank account. Since then I pay all the household expenses, including all the childrens’ expenses & spending money, college tuitions, mortgage, insurances, utilities, food, travel, etc….also I have started filing “married filing separate” tax return this year. I have reached the end, and think I would be much happier if I was not in this marriage (this is not because of anyone else, I have never committed adultery), and my children are at an age that they can understand this splitting. But, how likely is it that I will be sucked dry of all that I have worked so hard for (I am 52 yrs old)? Will I have to give up my house, my company, pay him spousal support, etc… because he prefers not to work to his ability, prefers to stay home, sleep late, etc? Am I better off just continuing to pay for everything now, and hope that I will outlive him?

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I live in upstate NY. My husband and I have been married for 17 years and are currently having problems, but not planning on Legally Separating or Divorcing yet. This is due to the fact he is going on temporary assignment for one year to Hong Kong. Part of our problems is that he is having an affair. Amazingly enough I feel that is not the biggest issue. The biggest issue is the 19 yr. old he has decided to financially support without my knowing it for 3-4 months and eventually discovering he had been doing it since May of this year 2011, and that he is still doing it. Since May he has given and spent at least $15,000.00 to $20,000.00 on the 19 yr. old. Most of it from a line of credit and the rest in cash. He had a joint checking account with her and most recently has co-signed on a car loan with her. Under two occasions recently the Credit Union we bank at has taken money out of our joint account because she did not make the payments. My husband has done all of this behind my back. We are extremely financially strapped. And because of this he has put us more in debt. I have had to sell jewelry and scrounge for soda cans to sometimes buy groceries for us and that includes our 12 yr. old daughter. My husband makes a good salary – $120,00.00 a year, but we are in deep trouble. He says he is going to continue to financially help the 19 yr. old even when he is in Hong Kong. He will be in Hong Kong from December 2011 – December 2012. His paycheck has always been deposited into our joint account. For 17 years I have always had access to it (deposited money, transferred money, withdrawn money, kept track of bills being paid etc…). I learned about him financially supporting the 19 yr. old by checking our accounts. Now because I do that and question him on what he is doing he has decided to shut me out. So here is my question, questions. What are my rights? Can he cut me off from seeing, knowing how much money is there every two weeks and accessing it? Right now I have to trust him and wait for him to give me money. I hope you can help me with this. The answer I seem to get is to start either Legal Separation or Divorce Proceedings. Because he is leaving in two weeks there isn’t time and we were waiting till he came back. You ask why – I have a lot of medical problems, one of which is Parkinson’s. We need to make sure we do the right thing to make sure I have GOOD medical coverage.

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Hi….I am a stay at home mom of 14 years with several children..some still young. My husband is very controlling and has all the bank information, debit cards and bank information. He just last night told me he will not give me a penny . I have been living like this for months and feel like there is no way out. He has let the health insurance lapse on my children all the way down to no longer putting gas in the car. I contacted legal aid..they said they can’t help. Do you have any advice or can you refer me to someone? I feel completely trapped..like there is no way out. I contacted crisis services and they told me he is a domestic abuser..all except physical according to an abuser wheel. I am in NC..do you know of anyone who could help me? I am desperate to get away from this situation.

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Hi, I am a 30-yr old mother of two, my kids dad and I have been married for almost 10 yrs come march, I do not have a job per the agreement we made while we were in the same household together, because he didn’t want me to work, only to see about the kids and house, that was cool up until about 4 yrs ago when his mistress, with whom he lives with now, came on the scene. All I want to know is what i am entitled to or is there any type of financial help I can get. I do receive child support and one of my kids get SSI but it’s still not enough to move into my own place and get a vehicle to carry my child back and to her doctor’s appointments which I do by myself. I just need to know what I am rightfully entitled to now that we are getting a divorce.

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Hello. I have been married to my 2nd husband since 2006, he is from new Jersey but moved here to Buffalo to Marry me and move into my home with my 4 kids. In 2009 we had a baby girl. I am pretty sure this marriage is heading for divorce, early in the marriage he cheated on me and I found out 2yrs into the marriage. My question is that would I be forced to let him take baby to new Jersey to have visitation with him there, or would he have to visit her here in Buffalo. Also what is he required to pay in addition to child support, does he have to pay maintenance, I’m a stay at home mom, and only baby sit a few days a week. We have a vehicle that has him as a Cosignor and has both our names on the bank papers for it… Please could guide me as what to do? :(:( stressed in Buffalo.

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I looked on your website and could not find my exact situation: My husband and I have been married for 4 years 7 months and we have (2) children together 11 and 4. He has decided to move out of the home where we currently reside in he owns the condo. The condo we reside in as been put on the market as a short sale and is in the process of being sold as it has already been approved. He is now moving to a new apartment alone in 2 weeks and states I can reside in the condo until the short sale comes through. Under my definition isn’t this abandonment? I work FT, and he is a NYPD and retires next year. also works PT as a professor. Our 11 year old attends private school, and the younger one is in a private FT daycare, which I currently pay for. I cannot afford to pay their schooling and other bills in the home and also leave to find a new place. He is not talking about payments and seems to feel that as long as we are still living at the condo that is his contribution. We are all under his medical insurance as well. We do not have any property or assets together the home is under his name and was purchased before we got married. I would like to know what are the steps I need to take to once he moves out in 2 weeks. Thank you.

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I live in long island NY. I’ve been currently married for almost two years and we have been talking about getting a divorce. We have a beautiful 1 year old baby boy. I am the only one that works, we rent an apartment/ shared with my mother. She does not work and does not have legal papers(undocumented). If we start the divorce would I have to give half of my income to her? I don’t mind giving child support, but besides that is she entitled to anything else? I am 22 at this moment and my wife is 26.

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If I get married in ny state and me and my wife get a divorce and I’m ordered to pay alimony and she gets remarried..do I still pay?

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My wife of 13 years left my house almost 4 years ago on her own accord. I have continued to pay her medical and auto insurance during this time period. What am I legally obligated to compensate her in a divorce might you think? We have no children and she lives with her adult children from a previous marriage. She was married previously for 25 years and now works babysitting her grandchildren. Might I have to pay part of my pension that I accumulated during our marriage? Does her abandonment have any bearing?

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My husband and I are planning on divorcing within the next year. He has been the main breadwinner for our 28 year marriage. In the housing crash he lost his practice (he’s a real estate attorney) & for the past seven years has been working out of the house (not sure of the amount he claims to earn, but I know it’s very little). I recently graduated nursing school(which I put myself through) & stand to earn over 80,000 being a RN on Long Island. He also stopped paying the mortgage over 5 years ago (my name is not on the mortgage & hasn’t affected my credit) & the house is in pre-foreclosure. I have a small inheritance that I will using for a down payment on a home which will be home base for my daughters ages 22 & 17. He just told me he is planning on moving to Belize when my 17 year old goes to college. He also told me he would be handing me the tuition bill as soon as I get a RN position. Does moving out of the country remove his parental obligation to his children? Also, since my salary is obviously on the books & his is not, does that give him any right to it? Thank you in advance for answering the question.

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